


First Knot

by centreoftheselights



Series: Dismantle The Gender Trinary [11]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alpha Roman Sanders, Communication, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, Genderverse Firsts, Gentle Sex, I Love You, Knotting, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Logan Sanders, Relationship Anxieties, Very fluffy smut, first time knotting, happy crying, mention of jealousy, overwhelming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22319464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: Logan has been pulling away after sex - and Roman knows they need to talk about it.
Relationships: Logince
Series: Dismantle The Gender Trinary [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1335505
Comments: 11
Kudos: 248





	First Knot

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fifth part of the Firsts series of prequels for my Dismantle the Gender Trinary series (although chronologically it comes before the last instalment).
> 
> If you're unfamiliar with the series: Roman is an alpha, Logan is an omega (and therefore has a vagina/vulva). Logan and Patton have been mates since high school, with Roman joining the relationship more recently. That's all you need to know!

Logan Sanders was a secret cuddler.

Of all the discoveries Roman had made about his boyfriend over the last couple of years – his adorable habit of talking to himself when sleep-deprived, his favourite snack being spoonfuls of jam, his tender devotion to the basil plant on the apartment's kitchen windowsill – the cuddling was still Roman's favourite.

When they'd first begun dating, Logan had practically fled to the bathroom immediately after sex every time, only staying in the bed if he was too exhausted to move or had fallen victim to Patton's puppy-dog eyes. Roman had brushed it off at first – some people just preferred to jump straight in the shower and clean up, and there was nothing wrong with that.

But slowly, over the course of months, things had begun to change. It seemed to take less and less of an excuse for Logan to remain between the sheets with him, boneless and contented. Even if there was a mess to be dealt with, Logan became a grumbling, reluctant fetcher-of-washcloths, softly bickering with Roman about whose turn it was to leave the warm comfort of the bed for a few precious seconds, and eagerly returning as soon as the task was done to curl up in Roman's arms “for warmth.”

Roman hadn't realised what an honour it was until he'd already become habituated to the indulgence, basking in the radiance of the soft, easy honesty that Logan so rarely displayed. Because Logan didn't have emotional walls – he had a fortress, fifty feet of solid granite, and fiercely defended at that. Patton was the only person who was ever allowed inside.

Until Roman. Slowly, after more than a year of dating, he had been cautiously let through the gates. And he was so, so grateful for that.

Which made it all the more painful to have it taken away.

Again, it hadn't been obvious at first. It wasn't like they _never_ just got cleaned up and went about their day after sex, and it had been in the run-up to exams. Roman had put it down to stress and Logan's meticulously planned study schedule.

But once turned into twice, turned into more-often-than-not, and eventually – far, far too late – Roman put it all together. He wracked his memories, considered all of the possible factors, and came to one simple conclusion:

Logan couldn't stand to be in the same room while Roman was knotted with Patton.

And Roman didn't have the faintest idea how to ask him why.

***

Logan was on the couch reading when Roman entered the room. He had been waiting for months to start this book of poetry, and now that term was finally over he was relishing the chance to read something that wasn't for class. So he turned his cheek up for the customary kiss, but otherwise kept reading.

When Roman sat on the other chair without kissing him, or even giving him so much as a pat on the shoulder, it disquieted Logan more than he cared to admit. Roman was doing something with his phone, but as Logan finished the page and glanced over at him, he found he was being watched.

Logan put the book down.

“Is everything alright, dear?” he asked. “You seem out of sorts.”

“I… hoo boy.” Roman smiled awkwardly. “That was gonna be my line, kinda?”

“… I don't understand.”

“Logan,” Roman said seriously. “We need to talk. Is everything okay? You know, with us?”

Logan quickly tracked back in his mind, trying to work out what had prompted this. And Roman had come to him while Patton was out, which meant –

Oh.

“I hadn't thought that either of you would notice,” he admitted, reluctantly. “It certainly wasn't my intention to cause you any concern.”

“I should have noticed sooner,” Roman grumbled. “It's been going on a while, hasn't it?”

“I suppose so,” Logan said slowly. “I wanted to take some time to process my thoughts. I came to a decision a few weeks ago, in fact… I wasn't sure how to raise the matter with you. But I suppose now is as good a time as any.”

To his surprise, Roman looked sorrowful.

“It's about knotting, isn't it?”

Logan nodded. “Is… that a problem?”

“No, no, I – we can make it work.” Roman bit his lip. “It would help if I knew exactly what the problem was – are you jealous? You aren't normally territorial, so I was wondering if it would be okay for Patton and I to keep knotting sometimes in private, when you aren't around…”

“What?” Logan blinked, then chuckled slightly. “Darling, I think you've misunderstood.”

“I have? So… it's not jealousy?”

“Not in the slightest,” Logan reassured.

“Then what's the problem?” Roman frowned. “I can tell we've been making you uncomfortable when we knot lately, and I want to fix things. It didn't seem like a problem when we first started doing it – has it been going on that long? You know you always have a right to change your mind, even if you felt differently before –”

“Roman, Roman!” Logan held up a hand. “Come here, please?”

As Roman moved to be next to him on the couch, Logan rubbed a reassuring hand in slow circles across his back.

“I'm not uncomfortable with you and Patton knotting, in front of me or otherwise. I certainly don't want you to stop! I've simply been… processing some new feelings about the situation. I didn't realise that I had changed my behaviour enough to be noticeable, let alone that you were worrying yourself about it – but it's completely needless for you to do so.”

“Oh.” Roman took a slow breath. “So, what is the 'situation?'”

Logan bit his lip.

“I'm somewhat uncertain how best to communicate…”

“You mean you're scared to admit you have feelings?” Roman teased, lightly.

Logan raised an eyebrow at him.

“I do not experience the human emotion known as fear,” he deadpanned. “But, uh…”

Impulsively, he reached out and grabbed Roman's hand.

“So. When I see you and Patton knotting, these last couple of months I have been feeling… a highly complex confluence of emotions, but, in a word, I would call it 'envy.'”

“Envy?” Roman still didn't seem to understand. “But not jealousy? I…”

Logan coughed, feeling his cheeks begin to grow warm.

“It isn't _your_ position that I am envious of,” he said softly. “It's Patton's. I have been… increasingly curious about what it would be like to knot with you.”

The only sign that Roman had heard him was his hand going completely slack in Logan's grasp.

“I would like to try it,” Logan added, “if that's amenable to you.”

Roman stared at him.

“You'd… you'd really want to?”

“Is it that surprising?” Logan asked, with a quick smile. “This is the standard trajectory one would expect for a relationship such as ours, and one I have no objection to following. While societal standards on many topics may not apply to my life, knotting is an activity which we would theoretically both enjoy with minimal risks to our well-being or happiness.”

Logan couldn't seem to stop himself from talking.

“We have both been tested for sexually transmitted infections and, while my birth control does not completely negate a slightly increased chance of conception, the probabilities are well within what I would consider reasonable risk. The benefits of knotting are well-documented; it has been found to lower blood pressure and reduce stress for both participants, and some studies have suggested it may have neurological health benefits such as improving memory. And of course, it could be expected to strengthen our relationship, since knotting is associated with a significant release of oxytocin, also known as the 'lov –'”

Logan stopped midsentence, his mouth agape, as his brain finally caught up with his mouth and he was struck by a moment of epiphany.

Roman was still staring at him.

“… I'm sorry,” Logan said, softly. “I'm going about this all wrong.”

“You don't need to apologise,” Roman said. “You know I love it when you talk science, C3P-Lo.”

“Yes, but I'm not communicating honestly,” Logan said. “Those are all good reasons to experience knotting, in general, but they aren't why I want to do it with _you_.”

“Oh?”

Logan took a deep breath.

“I want to knot with you because I trust you, I love you, and I want to be as intimate with you as possible.”

He got to watch the recognition dawn on Roman's face, like the sun breaking over the horizon at dawn.

“You love me?” Roman echoed.

“I love you,” Logan repeated, a fond smile stealing over his face.

He'd never said the words before – Roman had, for months now, but Logan had wanted to wait until he was certain – but now that he'd started, he didn't want to stop.

Roman started to smile. Then he stopped, hesitating. Logan's heart froze to ice in his chest.

“But…” Roman said, slowly.

“I should have said it sooner,” Logan blurted out. “I didn't – I only just realised, I know it took me too long –”

“No, no! It's only…” Roman's breath caught. “I didn't think you'd say the words unless… you felt the same about me as you do about Pat.”

Logan frowned.

“Let me be explicitly clear,” he said slowly. “I do not feel 'the same' about you and Patton, but only because there is a difference in the quality of those feelings. Neither emotion is quantifiable, and even if they were they would be measured in different units. It would be as though – as though you asked me which were more beautiful, the Pinwheel Galaxy or a flower bud unfurling. The two cannot be compared.”

Roman stared at him, trembling a little. He let out a small, hiccuping sound.

“I thought I was meant to be the romantic one, Specs,” he joked, even as his voice was thick with emotion.

Logan cupped a hand around Roman's face, leaning their foreheads together.

“You do a magnificent job of it,” he said. “But if you have even a moment's doubt when I tell you that I love you with all my heart, then perhaps I should play this role more often.”

He lifted Roman's chin with a brush of his fingertips, pressing their lips together. The kiss was light and tremulous, even as Roman clung to Logan with the ferocity of a man drowning, tears spilling hot down his cheeks.

“One more time?” Roman breathed against Logan's mouth.

“I love you,” Logan repeated. “There isn't a doubt in my mind about that, Roman. And I am deeply sorry if my circumspection ever made you feel otherwise.”

“It's not –” Roman shook his head. “I would understand, you know. You and Patton…”

“Pat was my first love,” Logan said. “But you are my second. Patton and I share a lot of history, but I want _all three_ of us to share a future. You are – essential to me Roman, I… oh, now look.”

Tears started to well in Logan's eyes.

“I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to make you feel bad –”

“You didn't,” Logan interrupted. “I'm simply – overwhelmed, I think. But I'm not unhappy. Are you?”

“Of course not!” Roman said. “It is merely – overwhelming, yes, I think that's it. Can I…?”

He pulled Logan tighter again, and their lips met more firmly this time, a kiss to say whatever it was that Roman couldn't find words for. Then another, to serve as Logan's reply. Then a third, and a fourth…

Roman slowly pulled Logan's legs across his lap, ensuring he had a firm grip on them. Logan might normally have objected but – today, it seemed as though the normal rules didn't fully apply, and he very much approved of anything that allowed him to keep kissing Roman, even as he was lifted into the air and carried bodily towards the bedroom.

The two of them made their way blind, lips never more than a breath apart, trailing after one another as Logan pulled Roman onto the bed after him. Slipping his hands under Roman's shirt was less an act of lust than of desperation, the need to be touching each other with as much skin as possible, to be as close as their impractically physical bodies would allow.

“I love you too,” Roman gasped at some point, when they were both down to their underwear. “Fuck, I should have said that sooner –”

“I know you do,” Logan said softly. “You've been saying it for months. Thank you… for waiting for me to catch up.”

“Always,” Roman promised, and Logan's heart skipped a beat. Which was scientifically ridiculous, but still somehow entirely true.

Logan pressed his hand to Roman's chest, feeling the soft, steady rhythm of Roman's heartbeat. Feeling how it quickened as he pressed his lips against Roman's once more.

“Checking up on your property?” Roman asked.

Logan blinked at him. “Property?”

“My heart is yours,” Roman said, a smile dancing across his lips. “Although if you have any plans, you'll have to consult with Patton, since he's co-owner – hey, that tickles!”

Logan laughed, and continued to trace his finger down Roman's chest.

“That metaphor is ridiculous,” he said, unable to sound anything but besotted. “But… I will do my best to take care of it. If you insist.”

“I trust you,” Roman said, softly. “Speaking of which… uh… so, would you want to try knotting _now_ , or…?”

Logan stilled, and Roman immediately began backpedalling.

“Not that there's any pressure! We can have regular sex, or just stay like this if you'd prefer, there isn't a requirement –”

“Shh, love.” Logan kissed him softly. “Yes, I want to. But…”

“But?”

Logan bit his lip. “Remember how I'm completely impervious to any and all feelings of fear?”

“Oh. You're nervous?” Roman chuckled gently. “But it's not your first time, right? You and Patton –”

“Patton and I have knotted together many times,” Logan acknowledged. “But toys come with release valves and safety catches. If I knot with you… we will truly be stuck together, for the duration.”

“Scared you're going to get sick of me?” Roman teased.

“It makes me feel… vulnerable. To know I will be… seen, whether I wish to be or not.” Logan grimaced. “I may, in fact, have some anxiety about this. But I still want to try, if you'll permit it.”

“I would be honoured.” Roman pulled Logan in for another kiss. “Wait, I have an idea. Roll over?”

Logan raised an eyebrow, but did as he was asked, rolling until he was facing away from Roman. His boyfriend curled up behind him, pressing his chest to Logan's back.

“Like this?” Roman asked against Logan's ear. “That way you don't – it might be less intense, for the first time?”

Logan rolled back, far enough that he could capture Roman's mouth once more, kissing him slow and deep, his tongue sliding across Roman's and teasing across the roof of his mouth.

“You're perfect,” he said softly, his tone full of amazement.

Roman blinked at him, looking slightly dazed.

“So… yes?” he asked.

“Yes,” Logan replied.

He didn't roll back over straight away, too eager to kiss Roman again and lose his fears in the easy slide of their mouths against one another, as familiar as the sound of his own name – which, incidentally, Roman was gasping at regular intervals. Logan might feel sometimes as though intimacy was a language he had never been taught, but this part, at least, had always come easily between them.

But he wanted more. So after some amount of fumbling as they both removed their underwear, Logan rolled over again, and tried not to shiver from the sudden unknown of Roman moving around behind him.

The first touch between his legs made him gasp reflexively, and Roman pressed a reassuring kiss between his shoulder blades.

“I'm fine,” Logan said immediately. “Continue.”

Roman chuckled, leaning his forehead against Logan's neck.

“Yes _sir_ ,” he said, half-teasingly. “C'mon, I know how to get you to relax.”

Roman began kissing slowly at Logan's neck, one hand massaging in circles on his shoulder while the other resumed its ministrations between his thighs. Two of Roman's long, clever fingers slipped inside him, spreading a generous helping of lubricant as they went, and Logan let out a soft, satisfied sound. Less than a minute later, he was reduced to breathless moaning, Roman working relentlessly at all of his sweet spots.

“Roman…”

“Yes, my love?” Roman's tone was justifiably smug.

“Roman, please, I – oh…” Logan bit his lip as Roman's finger crooked _just right_. “Fuck, Ro, enough –”

“Enough?” Roman asked against Logan's ear, his hand stilling for a moment. “We don't have to rush.”

“Roman, please. I _want_ you.” Logan's words were simple and plaintive.

Roman kissed the side of his neck as he slid his hand free.

“It's okay, darling,” he murmured, pressing in close against Logan's back. “I've got you.”

Logan smiled.

“I know you do,” he replied. “I love you so much.”

Logan hooked one of his legs back over Roman's, holding onto his lover's hip with his free hand. Roman's cock pressed in between his legs and Logan canted his hips back to meet it. Roman rolled his hips slowly, his cock sliding slickly across Logan's lips a couple of times before finally finding the right angle to sink inside.

They both caught their breath at the same time. Roman slid his lower arm under Logan's body, wrapping it around him to cradle him close. His hips stilled for several long moments, and normally Logan might have teased him for that, but – today, he understood the urge to take things slowly, to savour the moment of connection between them.

Then Roman began to move, ever so slowly, rocking his hips against Logan's with barely more than a couple of inches between them at most, and there was something pooling inside Logan, some energy like heat or light or electricity that radiated in waves out from his core and down every limb, not a tidal wave of pleasure but a slow, creeping flood that filled him until he could almost _taste_ it.

It tasted like Roman's name. It tasted like “I love you.” Logan wasn't sure he knew the difference between the two any more, but both spilled freely from his lips.

Roman was all around him and inside him, one hand curled across Logan's chest and the other at his hip, stabilising him, his breath coming in short pants against Logan's spine. Logan was attuned to every movement, every gasp, and he knew even before Roman spoke, could feel the knot starting to grow inside him, tugging at his entrance with every roll of their hips –

“I – Lo, I'm close, are you –?”

“Don't stop,” Logan answered immediately. “Please, love, I want you –”

Logan trailed off into a whine as Roman pressed somehow deeper into him. Logan could feel the swelling knot start to rub inside of him, tingling right down to his toes, bliss beyond description. He stroked his hand over Roman's as Roman whimpered against his neck.

“I've got you,” he gasped. “Come on, darling, let go…”

Roman made a choked-off noise, almost a sob, his grip on Logan's hip tightening for a brief moment – and then he was gone, trembling with the force of his orgasm, his knot locked completely into place.

They laid there, entwined and breathless, for a couple of minutes. The rush of pleasure inside of Logan seemed to be quickly draining away, but he had no desire to chase after it. He honestly wasn't sure if he'd had an orgasm or not, but he felt more than satisfied.

Logan smiled to himself, and hugged Roman's arm tighter to his chest.

“Are you okay?” Roman asked, his voice sounding unusually thick.

“I'm perfect,” Logan answered. Then, a note of concern: “Are you alright?”

“I'm… I'm incredible.”

Roman pressed his face into Logan's shoulder, and Logan could feel the dampness there, but he didn't comment upon it. He ran a thumb back and forth over Roman's hand, humming contentedly.

“I love you,” he repeated again, softly.

“I love you too,” came Roman's reply, followed by a slight hitch in his breath. “I love you so much, Lo, I…”

He trailed off, wordless.

“My thoughts exactly,” Logan said. Then: “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Logan blinked.

“It's nothing,” he said quickly. “Do you think it's alright for me to move my leg? I don't want to get a cramp.”

“Yeah, that's fine.” Roman chuckled wetly. “I'd tell you to take it slow, but I know you will anyway, poindexter.”

Logan began to shift, experimentally testing the limits of this strange new phenomenon, and didn't share with Roman the thought he had just had. Not yet, anyway.

Only –

Logan was pretty sure he was going to miss this sensation terribly during his next heat. Unless… _Well_. He'd have to have a talk to Patton about that.

And that could wait. For now, he was perfectly content to stay where he was, cradled in the arms of the man he loved, with nothing to do but feel warm and safe and gloriously entwined for the next twenty minutes or so.

And then, perhaps, they could do it all over again.


End file.
